


Goonies never say die

by Est_is_up



Category: The Goonies (1985)
Genre: Adventure, F/F, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, its actually a good fic I swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:13:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29165517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Est_is_up/pseuds/Est_is_up
Summary: Adrian Walsh, sister to Mikey and Brand falls for a certain short haired spunky girl on a summer adventure
Relationships: Stef Stienbrenner/Original Female Character(s)





	1. Chapter 1

"Hey Brand, can I talk to you?" I asked my older brother.

"Sure kid, what's up?"

"Well, I really like someone, but I don't know why"

"Why not?" 

"I dunno."

"Who is it? I won't tell"

"...."

" I won't snitch, come on!"

".. I like a girl. Can't tell you who though."

"...you're a lesbian?"

"No, yes? I don't know. I like boys and girls. It's weird." 

"I guess it's your choice then."

"Yeah" 

* * *

I came home from looking for seashells at Canon Beach, when I plopped down on the couch, adjusting my legs so I was sitting criss cross applesauce and picked up a comic book.

Mikey was doing something and Brand was, of course, at his bench press.

The doorbell rang and my two brothers came in the room.

"Oh, it's Mouth."

"Hey, Meekey. Yo Mikey. Eh, Mikey, seen Adrian? Oh, hi Adri. Hey guys, what's going down?"

"Shut up Mouth, I'm trying to read here." 

He just scoffed "You? Read? Oh right, the only thing you read are comic books." He turned to Mikey and Brand. 

"What's going down guys? What's the matter? What is this, a nuclear Saturday or something? Come on, guys. This is our last weekend together, last Goonie weekend. We got to be goin' out in style, cruisin' the coast, sniffin' some lace, downin' some brews...but nooo. Then one older brother had to go and screw it up, by flunking your driver's test? Don't know what to do with ya, kid."

Brand took a swing at Mouth, but failed at hitting him. 

"Aww man, you missed. Make sure to hit him next time Brand." I said sarcastically to my brother. 

I heard excited shouted from the front yard, and someone shaking the fence. "Chunks here!" Now Mouths gonna make him- 

"Do the Truffle Shuffle."

"Come on..." 

"Do it!" 

I sighed, got up, and went out on the porch with Mikey and Mouth. 

"Hey Chunk!"

"Hey Adrian!" 

Aaaaand that where I lost focus, right when Chunk started rambling on about this four wheel ORV that was being chased by cops.

"More amazing than the time Michael Jackson came over to your house to use the bathroom?" 

"More amazing than the time you saved those old people from that nursing home fire, right?"

"Yeah, and I bet it was even more amazing than the time you ate your weight in Godfather's Pizza, right?" Said Brand, Mikey and I in that order.

"Okay Brand, Michael Jackson didn't come over to my house to use the bathroom. But his sister did!"

I just turned back to my comic book, Don Martin Cooks Up More Tails.

And that's when I heard it. Faint strains of James Bond music.

"Mikey, the screen door!"

"Get the screen door!" I heard Data shout. Everyone rushed over, but not in time for Data to crash through for the third time this month. 

"Chunk!" We all looked over and saw Chunk holding a nude statue. It's part of a set of two, and I broke the female half I was 6, and boy oh boy was mom mad.

"Hey, I bet you guys thought I was going to drop it, huh? I knew you would think that from good ol' Chunk." 

" Oh shit! " I yelled at the same time as Mikey and Brand both said similar things.

"Look, it's not broken. It's perfect. Ha ha." 

"Oh my god." 

"On my god is right," I say to my brother " Moms gonna kill us..." 

Mikey tied to fix it, while using his inhaler which _somehow_ didn't work out too well. "Thats my mom's most favorite piece!"

"You wouldn't be be here if it wasn't. " Mouth said taking a swig from his soda. 

"Shut up Mouth!" We all yell at him.

Data changed the subject, while he flipped though a copy of the Oregonian that was laying on the coffee table. "Hey, any of you guys ever hear of Detroit?"

"No." And that was my idiot brother. 

"Soitenly. That's where Motown started. It's also got the highest murder rate in the country." 

"Well let me tell you what. That's where we're moving when we lose our house tomorrow."

"You shut up about that stuff. It'll never happen. My dad'll fix it." 

I scoffed. "Really Mikey?" 

Then monkey man, hanging from the top of door frame said "Yeah, sure he will. If he gets his next four hundred paychecks by tomorrow afternoon."

"That's wrong Brand. It won't happen!"

"Mom's home!" I yelled over the bickering when so heard footsteps, as I always announce it when someone comes over.

We all said hi multiple times, trying to block the broken statue. 

"Well I see Data dropped by" Mom said as she walked in. 

"Uh, boys-"

"And girl, mom."

"And girl, This is Rosalita,"

A chorus of "hola's" went around, 'cause that's all the Spanish that Dora taught us

"Rosalita doesn't speak a word of English, and I know some of you have taken some Spanish in school..." 

"Well, Mrs. Walsh, I speak perfect Spanish. And if it's any help to you I'd be glad to communicate with Rosalita." Yeah right he would. 

"You're a lifesaver Clarke. Come with us, will you?" Mom asked him. 

"Why certainly, Mrs. Walsh."

"Hold up _Clark,_ I'm coming with." I know what he's up to, and I'm joining him. And I get to make fun of his name.

He glared at me.

Oh well. 

Blah blah blah, mom saying something, and mouth translating. It doesn't sound quite right though...

"La mota vienen en primer cajona. La coca y la rapidez vienen en segundo. La heroina en el debajo. Siempre hay que separa las drogas. (Translation: marijuana goes in the top drawer. Cocaine and speed in the second, the heroin in the bottom. Always separate the drugs.)"

Boring. 

I went back into the living room and picked up my book. 

Mouth cam back a few minutes later to silence, and us twiddling out thumbs, which he did too before "Hey, wait a minute guys. Maybe there's some stuff up there in the attack for us. Maybe there's some stuff that we can keep from the oldsiders. Maybe there's some rich stuff!"

What? I wasn't really listening, but I put down my book anyway.

"Nooo.. Come on guys!"

A loud clamor was made as Mouth, Chunk, Mikey, Brand, and I want racing to the attic, yelling and shoving the whole way. 

"That's my dad's responsibility, you guys. The museum's probably got a list of it somewhere. You guys listen to me, damn it. That's his stuff."

"Dude," I hit Mikey on the back of his head. "don't be such a wet blanket." 

We all climbed up the ladder.

"Hey, look at this. I didn't know Dad had all this stuff up here."

"Ah, great, look at this stuff!"

"I love it here! Isn't this great?"

"Hey, come on guys. This is my dad's place. He doesn't want you up here. You heard what my mom said to the housekeeper about not wanting anybody up here..."

"Mikey, Mikey, Mikey, you just HAVE to go around with your negativity, don't you" I really do have a doofus for a brother.

"Hey Mikey, this is great. We only have old Hanukkah decorations in our attic."

"No one cares chunk." That was rude of me-

"Sorry." 

"Ahh, its ok."

Mouth found a painting of a woman, with a hole in her mouth and stick his tongue though. "Meekey, come here and make me feel like a woman. Come on, give me a nice, wet lickery kiss."

I laughed as Mikey tore the painting from mouths face. "Gotcha! Now get out from behind there. You're ruining the painting."

"You're ruining my joke! The painting's already trash anyway."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I skipped the rest of the attic scene, but I might add it in later.
> 
> And I know they don't go to Canon beach, but I'm just gonna write it that way.

"Major jerk alert!" Mouth was the first one to the door. 

"Who is it?" I yelled, 'cuz everyone in this damn house is so loud! Especially when we all go rushing to the door at the same time-

"Can I help you?" Brand asked.

"Hello little guys, I'm Mr. Perkins. Troy's father." Mikey and I could feel brand stiffen. Him and Troy where friends before he let money and titles get to his head. 

"We know Troy-!" Data started

"Yeah! He's such a cheep guy." We hated Troy, but I had my own reasons. I've heard him talk shit about how he fucked us over-

"My dads not home Mr. Perkins." Brands our saving grace, the calm one out of all of us.

"Well is your mommy here?" I flipped him off, but Brand hit me. Cooler heads do prevail :/

"No sir, she's at the store buying pampers for all us kids." 

Mr. Perkins and Co. Talked quietly for a few seconds, and took out some papers. "Give these papers to your father to read though and sign." 

Band walked down the stairs, took the papers, and exchanged "plesentrys" with the two business men.

"Hey Brand? Come come you where so nice to them?" I asked, confused by my idiot older brother. 

" 'Cuz that's the only way for them to stay nice with us."

I scoffed. "Fine." 

"Look at them smiling. They can't until tomorrow when they foreclose all the-... Whatever. Trash the goon docks." 

"I hope they make it a sandtrap." 

"And never get their balls out too." Out of all my friends, Data's my favorite. Well, Stef maybe. I like her a lot. 

We all started heading in, Mikey stayed out on the porch while Brand and I went in. When we saw that Mikey wasn't in yet, we went around though the side door. Brand going out, and me standing in the door frame. 

My two brothers hugged each other and pulled me into the mess. It was pretty funny when Brand dragged Mikey back. 

* * *

"God, am I depressed." We walked in the kitchen, to see Chunk filling his mouth with whipped cream.

Mikey and I jumped up in the counter, the difference was that I propped my feet against the wall, Mouth sat in the sink, Data stood, and Chunk was by the fridge, but he moved when Brand got a Pepsi.

"If I found one eyes rich stuff, then I could pay all dads bills. Then maybe he could get to sleep at night instead if sitting up trying to figure out a way for us to stay here."

"Forget about any adventures limp lungs. If I let you out moms gonna ground my ass and I got a date with Andy on Friday night."

"Yeah Mikey, " I added in. Couldnt let my brothers do all the talking ya know. "If you get in trouble, who knows what'll happen to us." 

"You're dreaming dude. There's no way, because that means your moms gonna drive you, then you gotta make it with her and your mom." 

"Shut the hell up mouth!" Brand and I said at the same time. We all hate Mouth when he says stuff like this.

Brand reached over and turned on the sink, eliciting a shreak from mouth. 

"You still have the map bro?" Mikey was unrolling the ancient parchment. All I got was a freaking glare from him. 

"Guys, what are we going to do about the country club? Its killing out parents. If we don't do something now, there's gonna be a golf course right here where were standing." 

Lightning flashed and thunder boomed, and we all turned toward to window, then back to the map. 

* * *

* * *

A [song ](http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wiuStBd4Czk)was playing on TV. Cyndi Lauper Im pretty sure. 

Brand was using his arm-stretching thing, and Mikey was fooling around with his marbles. He glanced a look at brand, and the nodded us over into a huddle. 

We made a plan (Mikey did, really) and we got up. 

"Hey, Brand? How far does that thing go?"

"Well, its-" Brand stretched his arms out behind him, and we pulled them back and locked him in the chair. 

We all ran racing out the door to the driveway, where we stored our bikes under a tarp. 

"What are you doing?? Mouth!" I yelled at Clark, as he let the air out of the wheels out of brands bike. 

"It took 376 lawnmower jobs to do get that, its his most favorite thing in the world!" Curse my brother and his stupid grammar. 

"Now its his most flattest thing in the world. Lets go!" 

As we biked off, I heard brand yell "IM GONNA HIT YOU SO HARD, WHEN YOU WAKE UP, YOUR CLOTHES WILL BE OUT OF STYLE!" But we didn't listen to him. 

We just stated biking to the stop and shop to get some snacks and sodas and a modern map of the Oregon coast.

We dropped our bikes outside the store, and went in. Data went to a video game I think, Chunk to the ice cream cooler , and me to the back to get a black cherry cream soda and some Tillamook meat sticks.

"Cannon beach, wait a second!" Mikey voice drifted across the store. I walked over to see whay he was doing. Sometimes he actually kinda smart. "Guys! Check it out! Come on guys! We can get the rich stuff!"

"Jerk alert!" I looked over to the window, and saw Troy, Andy, and Stef. Stef says she's not a goonie, but she is no mater what she says. 

At the same time as Troy opened the door, Chunk was pigging out on some ice cream, and Data was fixing the cash register or something. 

Stef and Andi went to the pacman game. I started walking over to see if I could get a quarter or something from them. 

"Hey, cut that out!" Mikey yelled at Troy, who decided to close the door on poor Chunk. Mikey pushed him off, but Trot just grabbed his jacket and asked

"is that a goonie telling me what to do?" Troy took Mikeys map and waved it in the air. That asshole even started to light it on fire and pretended to smoke it even! 

Mouth and troy started fighting (rolling on the ground in a fist of cuffs) when Mikey Got on Troys back to get him off his friend. 

Troy was about to punch Mikey square in the face when Brand showed up, thank god. 

"Nobody hits my brother except me." Trot looked at a loss for words. 

"I just can't wait till Monday when my father kicks all you Goonies out in the street where you belong! Keep piling your stuff in a moving van. Ill be teeing off of what used to be your front lawn!" 

"Come on, let's go." Stef and Andi left with Troy. I think Andi likes my brother more that asshat. And I mean like-like him. 

"Kiddos," Brands voice brought me back into reality. "You two just blew your whole life away, and the rest of you are history." 


	3. Chapter 3

After we left the store, leaving Brand behind on his little pink bike, we went onwards to the beach to continue on our hunt for treasure and adventure.

I was in my own head, thinking about when I could hang with Stef soon when, "I have a feeling about this." Said Mikey. Geez

"Every time you have a feeling, we get in trouble." 

"You're the one that gets us in trouble double-oh negitive."

"Its double-oh 7, not double-oh negitive." I sighed, sometimes their banter can be amusing, but other times? Eh.

"Guys, I know when my stomach growls there's danger-" 

"Shut up Chunk!" 

"Mikey, be nice."

"Hypothesis."

"You mean hypocrite."

"That's what I said! Geez, Adri." I scoffed at my brother. 

"Hey, you make me go up this big hill, and you said, you said you'd give me a Twinkie. Now I'm gonna be late for dinner and my mom's gonna yell at me and she's not gonna let me eat my dinner and she's gonna punish me. Hey, you guys, anybody got a candybar? Babe Ruth?" Chunk asked, after giving his long winded speech. 

Ignoring Chunk, we pulled over on the side of the road and dropped our bikes down in the grass and ferns.

Miley pulled out the old coin that was found with the map and held it up.

"What is it Mikey?" I asked my brother. I didn't get an answer.

"I can't believe it!" a chorus of "what is it?" and simular variations of the phrase went around. "That's it guys! That's it!"

"What's it?" Data and I asked.

"Those rocks! One, two and three.'

We dragged our bikes up the hill upon Mikeys urgent and exstrenuous nagging.

"This better be it Mikey, gee."

Chunks words went unheeded as Mikey pulled out the dubloon again. 

"Guys...I think I have a match. I'm sure of it! The lighthouse, the rock, and the restaurant all fit the dubloon. That must mean that the rich stuff is near the restaurant. So, wait a second, Mouth, I'm going to need you to translate the map because I don't understand Spanish." Mikey pulled out the map from his pocket and unfurled it. 

"Alright alright." Mouth took the map. "Diez veces diez... 10 times 10."

"So one hundred." I quickly added up.

Ignoring me, Mouth read on. "...stretching feet to nearest northern point."

"North, which way is North?"

"That's where you'll find the treat." Mouth finished translating for us.

Data pulled out a compass from a pocket. "North is that way." he pointed to the shack and we all got up and started counting our footsteps. 

60 steps later, we hid behind a small hillock when we saw some figures in dark clothes. 

"Wait guys, somebody there." Mouth, of course, was the first to speak up.

"Sixty and another forty is an even one hundred, right to the old restaurant. The rich stuff has gotta be there." And something has gotta be wrong with my brother to make him believe that. 

"I don't know about it Mikey. Hey, it's gettin' late, and that's a summer place; what's it doing open in the fall?" 

"Cleaning probably." I reassured Chunk, for his and our benefit.

"there's nothing to be scared of," Data said. "See, there's already two customers who went inside the restaurant."

"Yeah, yeah, but what if they're not customers? What if they're drug dealers?"

" Drug dealers? Did you see their clothes? Drug dealers wouldn't be caught dead in those polyester rags." I laughed, but Data hit me on the head and I glared at him for it. 

The five of us got up and counted the rest of the 100 steps to the restaurant, but half way through two big loud bangs where heard.

"Mikey, Mikey, Mikey. That sounded like gunshots. Not the big ones that you hear in war movies, but gunshots, real ones. They're trying to kill us!"

"Geez, Chunk. Turn off your brain, alright? Someone probably dropped a pot." Sometimes Chunks overactive imagination made me feel like losing brain cells. It also makes ME scared just as much as him, as I said what I did somewhat nervously. 

Chunk said more stuff about how we where all gonna die, and we where telling him to shut up as we ran up, or until Chunk saw the cooler sitting on the porch. 

"Soda pop! Oh boy, am I thirsty"

Chunk and I looked in the cooler, only to find it empty.

"Aww shit!" we both said at the same time.

Mikey, Data, and Mouth where talking about something, and Chunk and I went off to see if we could find anything on the other side of the building.

"ORV...bullet holes...bullet holes!"

"What the hell, Chunk?!"

"See, I told you guys my story was true!" in a panic, Chunk and I ran back to the others, and ran into the building with them.

We bumped into Mouth and Data and Mikey, making more noise.

"This place is a summer restaurant? Looks like it hasn't been open in 10 summers." 

We all here looking around at the dusty ass interior, when someone wearing a black dress, hat, and a string of pearls came out from where the kitchen must have been.

"How long have you boys been at the window?" she said, in a gravely voice.

"And girl." Mikey and I said at the same time. People mistake me for a boy because of my short hair, which I buzzed off last summer, and kept it on the short side since then. Right now I'm in the process of growing out my pixie cut, and its down to my chin.

"Long enough to see you need about 400 roach motels in the this place." Mouth scoffed.

BANG! Another person, this time a guy and a lot taller and thinner, came out from the same place as the woman.

"How the hell am I supposed to create with that Smithsonian piece of shit?" 

Seeing us, and slowly walked over and started speaking something that sounded like Spanish.

"What is he saying, Mouth?'

"I don't know, Adrian! I don't speak... Italian?"

"Jake, these boys are our customers."

They spoke with each other for a minute more, when the woman pretty much materialized behind us.

"What do you kids want to drink?"

"Water, yeah water." Data said, jumping. (At least he didn't scream like a certain wimp I know.)

"Four waters. Is that all?"

"No!" Mouth practically yelled. 

"Mouth, shut up!!"

"No, I want a veal scallopine." He put his arm around the restaurant 'owner.' "And I want the fettuccini alfredo, a bottle of fettucini, a 1981." Mouth kissed his fingers, like an Italian chef.

The woman grabbed Mouths face. "The only thing we serve is tongue." 

We all screamed (even me) and covered our mouths, not wanted to lose out tongues.

"Now sit down." the lady went back to the kitchen, and Data, Mouth, and Mikey all started talking. I was just trying to get a lay of where we where. 

"Chunk, I'm starting to O.D. on all your bullshit story's." Mouth didn't believe him about the the bullet ridden ORV.

"No guys, its true! There really is a car thing, and its all shot up!" I supplied, someone has gotta believe me.

"Sure Adrian, I believe ya!" Data patted me on the back.

"Just because I tend to go along with Chunk, doesn't mean I'm lying ya know."

The next moment, the lady came out and slammed four pints of murky, iron rich liquid down.

"Thank you sir, I mean ma'am!!" the woman gave my brother a withering glare.

Mouth held up his glass, "This' supposed to be water?"

"It's wet, ain't it? Drink it!" 

I hurriedly drank it, which tasted like shit, and the others pretended to sip it.

"Miss, where's the mens room?" Mikey was bouncing in his chair.

"Mikey, Mikey, this ain't the kinda place you want to go to the bathroom in." Chunk didn't want our group to breakup, nor did he like the summer restaurant in any way, shape, or form.

"And why not?" 

"Uhh... Because they might have daddy long legs in them." Chunk leaned closer and whisper-shouted "Or dead things, Mikey. Dead things!"

I scoffed, and then physically grabbed one of the glass from Mouth as he was pouring one into the other and saying "Eh, still got to go to the bathroom, Mikey?"

"Shut the hell your mouth, Mouth."

"Aww, Adri. You love me."

"No, I most definitely don't." I laughed to myself. Hell, I don't even know if I like the male population at all!

During our 'banter' as ma would probably say, Mikey got up and went into the basement to the bathroom.

"AND STAY TO THE RIGHT!" the lady shouted oh-so-kindly after my daft brother.

We all sat in silence, twiddling our thumbs. 

"Sooooo.... Nice place." I said, trying go bridge the awkward silence and be polite at the same time.

"Yeah, just as nice as Chunks basement." Mouth laughed. Of course it was him. 

"Hey! I really did see a dead body guys!"

"You don't have to keep telling the story, Chunk." Data pushed a button in his shoulder and a rubber glove filled with sand and sticks to hold it up popped out, and patted Chunk on the shoulder. 

The door slammed open and Brand walked in. "You fuckers are dead. When we get home, ma's gonna kill me and you." Brand quickly counted us up."Where's Mikey?" 

"He went down to the basement to go to the bathroom." I supplied, pointing at the door he went through.

"In this place?" Brand asked.

"That's what I said! Like there could be spiders, or a dead bod even!"

"Cut it out, Chunk." Mouth shut up our most imaginative friend.

Brand already went down to find Mikey, and less than a minute later he back out hauling Mikey practically on his shoulder.

"Lets go squirts." Brand ushered us out of creepy restaurant, with Mikey in tow.

**Author's Note:**

> I know in the movie they don't to Cannon Beach, (its even a while away) but I'm doing it anyway, just FYI.


End file.
